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Hard to say no when you're looking up!
Posted On 2009-08-24 , 3:36 PM
Ace Essay here reporting semi live from St. Louis, Mo. I know it has been quite awhile since you last heard from me (and  I’m sure you missed me greatly) but all I’m going to say is never and I mean never go into the swamp with two banjo players.
I’m here with my staff (ouch) I mean my associate Lynn (as usual she shows no respect) and I’m going under cover to investigate “The Blues”.
What are the blues you ask? Depression, anxiety, lonliness, (ouch..What? Oh! Sure. Ok) I have been reminded that these blues are not those blues that these blues don’t make you blue you actually feel the blue that makes you happy in a blue sort of way.
Folks this is Lynn. What Ace is trying to say is that “The Blues” is music. See Ace how easy that was?
Whatever, I am here dressed as a blues musician, baggy gray pants, scuffed brown wingtips, blue denim half unbuttoned shirt, a gray beret and holding a harmonica. I haven't shaved for three days to give me that down and lived in look. I hope you folks appreciate all the hardships I go through, I mean have you ever worn a gray beret?
My plan is a simple one. (Yes Lynn I know all my plans are simple. That's what makes them so great.) Anyway I will enter one of the clubs poising as a musician (ah no Lynn I can't play the harmonica) I will be able to get close to the other musicians and find out what makes their blues, blue. But first I need to go to “The Arch”
“The Arch” is that big white horseshoe thing that sits by the river. Here we are looking up at how tall it is. Of course it’s easier to see it if you’re lying on your back but someone, whose name I won’t mention (Lynn) thinks it’s un-cool. But I will keep with my instincts and conduct my interview from this position.
“Excuse me Sir! Yes that is my hand you’re stepping on. Say while you’re just standing there would you mind answering a few questions? I will take rolling eyes as a yes.
“Let me introduce myself my name is…”
“Yeah I know who you are. You’re that reporter from San Francisco.”
“Ah so my reputation has preceded me!”
“Yeah ah whatever. So you don’t mind me standing on your hand?
“No it’s numb now. What brought you down here today to “The Arch”
“The Bus.”
No I mean why did you come here today?”
“It’s Thursday.”
“And Thursday is important because..?”
“Because I always come to “The Arch” on Thursday.”
“Excuse me but is that a knife you just pulled out of your pocket?”
“No it’s a letter opener I received for a 5 year safety award. Now hand me your wallet.”
Lynn here. Ace is sort of occupied at the moment but I’m sure he would want me to say he’s glad to be back…..so what do you mean you want my purse. I’ll give you my purse all right across your fat head…yeah you better run!
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Boiled Peanuts don't belong on a road trip!
Posted On 2009-04-01 , 10:42 AM
Ace Essay here reporting semi live from Baton Rouge La... I had a hankering for crawdads,  gumbo and sweet tea. You’re probably wondering why I would travel all the way here just to eat. Well I didn’t. I’m on assignment and as usual I sacrifice for you my adoring public.
My task is to begin another series of articles on Midlife folks partaking in adventure vacations. Why because as you know we reach midlife and go nuts. The highlight of most folks is to come home from work plop down in the old leather chair and ottoman grab the remote and vegetate (What? Oh! Sure ok.) You-know-who has informed me that I’m describing the typical male. If that is true (which I doubt) how would I have known as I am not a typical male! Ah! Lynn agrees with me, about time.
Let’s talk and you need to excuse me as I am in the middle of sucking on these crawdads and I sometimes get distracted. By the way have you ever eaten boiled peanuts? They look and feel like slimy grubs and they do instill a reflex action once they enter your mouth. I suggest that you all try some, talk about an adventure.
Ok your old life has passed you by. What do you have left to lose (except weight, hair, teeth and fashion sense)? Now is the time to do something exciting…it’s called living.
An adventure vacation is as simple as filling the car with gas pack a small ice chest with food lock the house and just drive away. Where would you go? That my friends can be part of the adventure, just keep driving until you find a place you like, spend the night, walk around, see some sights and drive home.
Remember you’re an adult (at least biologically) who do you have to answer too? Grab an inexpensive flight join me for lunch, these boiled peanuts aren’t bad once you get passed the gagging.
This is Ace Essay signing out for now (going into the back country looking for some gators) at least that is what my guides with the banjos say.
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