| March 2009 | Page 1 Of 1 | |
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Sometimes it's better to run naked
Posted On 2009-03-30 , 7:37 PM
Ace Essay here reporting semi live from the track at Royal H.S. located in Ventura County Calif. …I’m here in my stylish  running apparel (which I didn’t pay for because when your famous…well you get perks) to demonstrate that (What? Oh! Sure ok.) Lynn wants me to tell you that I got this running apparel from my Cousin Lenny’s store (but I am famous and I might add good looking… just don’t let Lynn hear us talking about that last part…envy you know)
People in Midlife for the most part have no fashion sense especially when they are working out. I on the other hand have impeccable taste in running apparel as you can see (What? Oh! Sure ok.) Ah it would seem that you can’t see me…sad actually.
So what puts style in fashion? Well it isn’t those baggy pants you wear that you have to keep pulling up, unless you’re for the gangster look. Which begs the question, why would you want your pants falling off when the police are chasing you? But I digress.
Running apparel is designed for comfort it doesn’t bind and it breathes. Now some Midlife folks wouldn’t think about color coordinating their ensemble (that’s fashion talk) with their jogging/running shoes. You wouldn’t believe how many fashion disasters I have witnessed today alone. This must be the place where the not so suave meet to workout. Approaching me is a rather large Midlife female who has been lumbering (What? Oh! Sure ok.) It has been brought to my attention that the descriptive word lumbering is not politically correct. Therefore I have been asked to apologize to overweight people…Ouch! What was that for??
Anyway I shall join the before mentioned female and interview her.
Excuse me young lady (they like to hear that) I’m..
Yes I know you’re that Pee Wee guy.
No……I’m Ace Essay famous reporter
Ok whatever.
I noticed that you are working out.
Aren’t you the observant one? Puff, puff huff
I noticed that your running apparel is somewhat mismatched.
Are you the fashion police?
No I was just wondering why you are wearing a gray sweat shirt that is easily two sizes too small, black shorts that quite frankly are screaming in torture and those shoes that a farmer wouldn’t wear.
REALLY!! You little #@&*#
PUFF PUFF HUFF PUFF this is HUFF Ace PUFF Essay PUFF signing out HUFF for now! HUFF PUFF (I thought she would have huff puff puff quit chasing me after the third mile)
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Real Men Love Affair!
Posted On 2009-03-21 , 12:03 PM
Ace Essay here reporting semi live from the back seat of a 58’ Pontiac Chieftain remembering the good old days when cars  were cars and driving historic Route 66 was definitely a trip.
It’s great to have both feet on firm ground once again (if that’s possible in Sunny Southern California). I decided that today I would just relax and talk about that which is most on men’s minds. It’s a lot easier because my associate Lynn is out shopping (typical). It has been said that men think about this subject 57 times a day. They think about it when they are in the shower, eating, sleeping and you can always catch them glancing back checking it out no matter who’s watching. I haven’t found anyone who doesn’t remember their first. Do you remember what it was like? How can you forget? Yeah we can’t wait to get into one, the smell the feel the anticipation... yup men and their love affair with cars.
I remember my first. It was a lot like this one a 1958 Pontiac Chieftain, 390 cubic inches of power, chrome reverse wheels with baby moons…and it could fly…sweet. I must have put 5 coats of wax on that car when I first bought it. When it rained the drops ricocheted off faster then bullets. Living in California I used to cruise Van Nuys Boulevard with the windows down and the four track blasting. Makes me smile just thinking about it and don’t forget stopping at Bob’s Big Boy Hamburgers for a burger shake and fries.
Back then we would cruise down to the beach, heck you could drive on it, watch the sunset with your date and enjoy the evening. But I digress from my topic which is cars. What is up with auto makers today? No longer do we have rolling works of art on the highway, unless you count the throw back models we get every now and then. It seems that the designers today have about as much creativity as vanilla ice-cream. Of course it could be the Government demands on the auto makers that have now made owning a Ford Pinto a status symbol.
Oh nuts here comes Lynn with bags and bags so I should wrap this up. If you want to relive your love affair with cars let me recommend Hot August Nights in Reno/Sparks Nevada this year. More cars and memories then you can shake a stick at. This is Ace Essay signing out for now.
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746ft of Pure Loneliness Burrito
Posted On 2009-03-17 , 7:42 PM
Ace Essay here reporting  semi-live from the not so Golden State Bridge, I was finally able to lose that beach psycho somewhere between here and Malibu. I think it happened when I stumbled and knocked over some guy who started screaming that I made him spill his bag of grass. I have no idea why the guy was so upset. I mean the grass looked dead it was all brown and anyway it was a pretty small bag. Go figure.
I’m here because of loneliness. My secretary (Ouch!) my assistant (Ouch!) alright my associate Lynn has informed me that we can interview a worker who knows nothing about loneliness even though he works alone. His name is (What? Oh! Sure ok.) It appears he doesn’t want to be named but he has agreed to use an alias which he choose…which is…Morris.
I have been told that he is already on the job and has asked me to join him. Being as I am Ace Essay I have no problem mingling with day to day laborers and I understand that he is a painter. I have in my day stroked a brush across a canvass and (What? Oh! Sure ok.) it seems that he is not that kind of painter. So just follow me and we will start our (What! Oh! Are You Nuts?) Ah it seems that Morris is painting the top of the tower which is about 746 ft above the water. Excuse me for a moment as I discuss this with my associate Lynn.
(Twenty-Five Minutes Later) This is Lynn. Ace is now strapped securely and is being hoisted to the top of the tower. I would like to report that he went willing and didn’t cry for his Mother…..but that would be a lie.
Hello Morris, a little windy up here isn’t it?
No Mate it’s kind of like a regular afternoon. Know what I mean? And you can let go of me you’re not going to fall.
Oh alright! You might not recognize me with all this gear and hard hat on.
Sure I do. I’ve seen your movie. You’re that Pee Wee guy.
No! I’m not! I’m Ace Essay famous investigative reporter.
Sure what ever you say mate.
Morris explain to me how you can say that you don’t know loneliness yet you work way up here and down there is so…
Mate don’t look down. Stop the crying look into my eyes and I’ll tell you. You see first you have to understand that loneliness is a state of mind. Whose mind? Well yours you own it you make the rules. What you need to do is realize that the feeling of loneliness is usually wrapped together like a burrito with self doubt and pity sauce. Toss those aside by getting to know yourself. Believe in you and most importantly like yourself and you will discover ways to reach outside your self imposed limitations and you won’t be alone. Well Ace its lunch time we need to go down now.
Ah Morris I can’t move.
Sure you can mate just let go and remember don’t pull the red cord.
You want me to pull this red cord?
No! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh
OPPS! This is Ace Essay singing out for now….wow these are like bungee cords. I wonder how many times he will bounce.
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Twisted Sisters of Our Mind
Posted On 2009-03-14 , 11:45 AM
Anxiety and loneliness the two twisted sisters of our mind never play fair.
 Ace Essay here reporting semi live from… (What? Oh! Sure Ok.) Sorry folks I was just informed we’re not supposed to be here so I can’t tell you exactly where we are. But I can tell you where we definitely are not, I think.
Anyway I’m standing ankle deep in one of the oceans watching sea gulls floating in the breeze overhead. I’m here looking for answers to combat anxiety and loneliness.
My life is a mission, exploring issues looking where no one ever looks exposing myself to people whenever I could… (What? Oh! Sure Ok.) Well folks when I say exposing myself it’s not like… e x p o s i n g…. but rather opening myself up to new ideas. Some of you probably begin to suffer anxiety with the very thought of the sisters (anxiety and loneliness) when the reality is just the opposite. You become liberated.
Don’t believe me? I’ll prove it!
Over there is your everyday beach type guy I’ll just go over and interview him.
Excuse me sir! May I have a few moments of your time?
Dude?
You probably don’t recognize me with this sunscreen on….
Hey dude, I know you! You’re that Pee Wee dude!
No, no, no! I’m Ace Essay famous investigative reporter.
Sure Dude whatever you say!
Tell me. How do you handle anxiety?
By chilling dude.
Chilling?
Yeah dude. What you see on the outside isn’t what’s happening on the inside. I can’t always control what’s going on around me….but I can control how I react to it. Here you are on the beach wearing that loud Hawaiian shirt, checkered shorts with like very white legs and knobby knees, black socks and sandals asking me how I react to anxiety. Dude you wreak of anxiety and I bet your lonely as well.
Wow! I’m impressed so anxiety isn’t an issue for you. That would explain the wrinkle free brow and your relaxed look. Of course that could just be a drug induced look.
Dude! What did you just say!
This is Ace Essay here running for his life down the beach…until next time!
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All Things Ace in Mid Life
Posted On 2009-03-10 , 2:52 PM
Ace Essay here reporting semi live from my cubicle located within the offices of Restart Smart. I have been given the  opportunity to do a series of insightful articles about living through Mid Life. I will be your life coach, your trainer, best friend and otherwise all around fantastic person that you have the pleasure of knowing.
Because Mid Life is a critical time (it’s about half way between being born and dying) I want you to feel comfortable with me. So I feel moved upon to let you know some bare bone facts about me (now ladies you might want to take notes).
AGE: 58* *because I’m a male you must understand that inside I’m still 19
Ht : 6’ 0” gravity seems to be working against me presently so I suspect that this number may change.
WT : Have you ever noticed that when you visit the Dr. and they put you on their scale…..they always tell you to lose 20 pounds? With what they charge you would think they could afford a scale that works.
Hair Color : that would depend if I were to let it grow….which at present it isn’t inclined to do.
Well enough about me (actually it’s never enough about me) but on to why we are here. Mid Life, the journey, trip, experience, that bummer time in our life when everything is upside down and sideways. That time in your life when you stare in the mirror and ask yourself questions (as if the reflection had answers) yet you still wait hoping. Am I right? If not then how would you define your Mid life experience? Not sure? That my friends is why I am here so fear not!
I’m Ace Essay and together we will tackle the issues as I cross America and the world, together we will redefine and refine who we are and where we’re going.
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| March 2009 | Page 1 Of 1 | |
